


Friends Adjacent to a Table

by thickestgoosenog



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, absolutely no mention of horses, banter and a blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-24 07:30:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7499475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thickestgoosenog/pseuds/thickestgoosenog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Way before their adventure begins Lem and Fero spend some quality time together at the archives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Friends Adjacent to a Table

In the dark study lit by candles Lem fretted and Fero tried his best at being helpful. Lem pulled his much too low chair away from his much too low table and sat down.

“Are you really suggesting what I think you’re suggesting? That’s a little… _suggestive_ don’t you think?” Cautiously Lem got to the heart of the matter. Fero had been hanging around his study a lot today, he said Lem needed to _relax_ , apparently, and he was just the man to help.

“Trust me it’s not big deal it’s like a handshake where I come from, think of it as a cultural exchange. No better way to relieve stress,” Lem still didn’t seen sold so he added, “I read it in a book once so it’s got to be true, I read a lot of things in books you know, good stuff in there. In books.”

Lem’s expression picked up when he heard the word ‘book’ the first time and multiplied each subsequent time.

“Well, a cultural exchange sounds... alright I suppose,” Lem sat back in his low awkward chair, it did seem alright, he thought he knew what Fero was getting at but he never really knew with that guy. Any excuse to learn a little something new was a good enough excuse for him though.

Fero casually came over to where he was, with Lem sitting down they were at eye level to each other, for once.

In some ways it was hard for Fero to be away from his hometown and here near the archives, being at waist height among all sorts of new types of people made Fero curious, so curious, every new place he went it was hard for him to keep his mind out of the gutter, especially with all those bulges right there up in his face. He, too, was looking forward to learn a little something new as he sunk down to his knees in front Lem. Was he being too eager? Him? No, no of course not.

He went for Lem’s belt and slid it out of the loops with ease - Fero looked up quickly to make sure they were still on the same page - a very interested nod from Lem and Fero got straight to it. Lem would not be the first to notice that he was a bit of a thirsty boy.

When Fero loosened his pants and pulled the Orc's cock out he was a little surprised - It looked just like a halfling cock except it was much, much, bigger and greener and there was very little hair... so nothing like a halfling cock. It seemed someone was pulling his leg when they described what an orc dick looked like all those years before, there wasn't even scales on it and it wasn’t two-pronged. Oh well he could work with this familiar territory.

It sat in his little halfling hand and he gave it a little squeeze before bringing his other hand up to give it a few pumps, Fero shifted on his knees and stared at it like a puzzle he was trying to solve. He pulled the foreskin back and forth a few times gently, it was pretty nice cock.

He leaned close and gave a few experimental licks and quickly became distracted by the large organ in front of him. Hefty. Fun to play with and already stiffening in his hands.

People always told him he should use his big mouth for something useful and he supposed this could be it. He teasingly kissed the tip and covered his teeth like a nice boy and began sucking on the slowly hardening cock. He got so into it that it took a while before he looked up again and suddenly noticed a very uneasy expression on Lem’s face.

Fero’s heart sank as he let Lem’s cock plop out of his mouth, did he royally just screw something up? Lem looked like he had something to say but couldn’t quite say it.

“This is _alright_ isn’t it? I mean, I can stop.”

“No it’s fine it’s just… um…”

Lem looked worried and the silence between them grew. Fero took his hands off of him.

“What is it?” Fero felt guilty for throwing himself into this so fast, what if Lem was just humoring him? Oh man, he really fucked up didn’t he.

The nervousness in Lem’s face was very apparent and there was distress in his voice, he took a deep breath and a moment to center himself and said, desperately, “ _Please don’t turn into a bear_.”

A dawning realization washed over Fero like countless drinks that had been spilled on him in the past.

 _Fuck. I could have turned into a bear! I could be a bear right now. I could have been a bear this entire time._ The wheels in his head turned quickly and Fero grinned in a way only a rapscallion such as himself could.

“You sayin’ you don’t want a little sexy bear action?” He mimed a claw with his left hand, “Afraid I’ll get into your honey? Nibble on your berries?”

“N-no, no I do not, no bear please. You’re good as you are, um, keep doing what you were doing I shouldn’t have brought it up, sorry I didn’t mean to imply that I think you would, you know, uh what you were doing was nice, very nice,” Lem looked even more flustered now as he began to ramble, “the teeth and everything it would be such a mess-”

 _Cute. What a cute orc._ Fero couldn’t wipe the smile off his face which made trying to fit his cock back in his mouth just that much more difficult. With a quiet laugh he settled on holding it in his hands and mouthing the side and tip sloppily, exaggerating his motions, dragging his tongue root to tip before sucking the head and repeating it all again. Lem’s babbling stopped as he bit his lip and looked down at him. Lem was absolutely mesmerized watching his cock get lavished with those lips and tongue - he couldn't help but make small needy noises.

Fero was so pleased that Lem was watching him with such rapt attention, he loved to perform _but, ugh, he could totally be a bear right now._

A few more laps and Lem was fully hard, his face a combination of curiosity and bliss. Lem had never seen such small nimble hands on his cock before and he liked it.

Fero stopped abruptly. “What about a cute little lamb?”

“What?” Lem’s eyebrows furrowed.

“No one can resist a sexy little lamb… or maybe a warthog.” Fero was good at keeping his mouth in use at all times, when he stopped to say something he continued to work at him with his hands.

Lem had to ask, reluctantly, “OK, what is a warthog?”

“It’s like a pig but got little tusks - you’d be into those tusks right, very orc-y.”

Lem's expression soured, “that’s pretty disrespectful.”

“Sorry...” But he was not deterred, “They have long tongues though, and a long tongue could get into all sorts of… places...”

“ _Places?_ ” Lem’s voice was tinged with cautious optimism, he unconsciously spread his legs wider. It took all he had to listen to the nonsense Fero was spewing out but at least he didn’t stop when he blathered on. Lem was aroused but confused, was Fero trying to be sexy or weird? Was there a difference? Regardless it’s good manners to lend an ear when someone is sucking you off.

“Mmm yeah… _places_.” That last bit was muffled as Fero took one of his balls in his mouth and playfully sucked at it, one and then the other, pressing Lem’s cock up against his stomach and out the of the way.

Lem muttered something Fero couldn’t catch and titled his head back, Lem was squirming it felt so good, he tentatively curled his hand in Fero’s hair, gently supporting but not pushing, and rocked his hips forward a little bit. Carefully though, he didn’t want to force it since there’s no way it would fit inside Fero, not his mouth at least.

Fero enjoyed lapping up the precum, it was heady and frankly pungent, the orc could stand to have a little more fruit in his diet, but Lem’s little noises and whispered “ _mmm, pleeease,_ ” every so often made it worth it. This was a worthwhile experience for Fero too but boy, was his jaw ever getting sore. The pain and distraction didn’t stop him from from listing all the animals he knew by relative tongue length in his mind though. This was his element, his strength, and he couldn’t turn it off even if he tried.

“What about a hum- hmmmm,” No wait, he shouldn’t go there.

Fero thought better of this suggestion instantly, although hummingbirds did have incredibly long tongues and he could joke suggest it… it seemed like the sort of thing Lem would actually like due to his _interests_.

It’s a well known fact that urethral sounding was a pre-erasure thing, every shapeshifter worth their salt had read ‘The Literal Birds and Literal Bees: What It Means For Literally Me,” and had taken to heart the sordid history.

He could totally _thip thip thip_ his little hummingbird tongue into his dick but… nah. This was going quite fine and Fero didn’t care for that old world nonsense.

Lem looked beyond listening by now anyhow - his face surprisingly rosy for it’s hue and the shallow breathing punctuated with a soft whine every now and then was so satisfying to Fero, having this effect on someone else. Lem began to softly run his fingers through Fero’s hair with his large hand. It felt nice.

Fero was no two pump chump but he was ready for some attention himself, if this wasn’t a seriously double handed-job he could take care of it himself but he continued to focus on Lem since he was so close. And cute, ugh, he wanted to climb up into his lap so bad, maybe get a kiss out of the deal too. But he persevered.

He looked up through his eyelashes with doe eyes, the most doey eyes he could manage while staying human, and began jacking him off in earnest sucking hungrily at the tip, he was into this. The orc couldn’t hold on any longer.

“Ahhhh, yes, Lem!” He whined as he came hard, riding it out with his hands gripping his own thighs, Fero happily bobbing in between them.

Lem melted into his chair as he recovered completely blissed-out, catching his breath feeling the endorphins wash over him (due to the massive amount of information lost in the erasure, endorphins were now commonly known as dolphins.) This all went swimmingly, he thought as soon as thoughts could manifest in his mind once again.

Fero wiped out his mouth with his sleeve and looked up with need. There was some unfinished business aching in his pants here but Fero couldn’t resist bringing a certain thing up first, “...Did you just call out your own name?”

Lem did not look him in the eye, “N-no…” He stuffed his junk back into his pants and buttoned up.

“I think you called your own name.”

“Why would I do that, no, I think I called yours, your name which is-”

“Which is?”

“Fero?”

If anyone could argue about bullshit at inopportune moments it was Fero, unfortunately that changed the energy in the room.

Lem stood up, face still flushed and gave him a firm handshake.

“Thank you, that was very pleasurable.” Fero looked confused so Lem added, helpfully, “Goodbye.”

Lem wasn’t sure about the proper etiquette for this type of thing but it’s like a handshake, or so he was told, so he got his and now Fero got his too.

Fero had no idea what to say to this, he was very horny but clearly it was not going to happen. He turned into a bear with a miserable boner and left.

Maybe Lem would write a poem about this later.

**Author's Note:**

> End note: He did write a poem about it later.
> 
> \---  
> If you liked this I'd love to hear what you thought in the comments! Also, I'm sorry but it had to be done, I heard the cries of wanting fanfic and this is your answer.
> 
> thickestgoosenog @ tumblr


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